Only A Month Late...

So it's March now, and Black History month is well behind us. It passed rather uneventfully too. Very little fanfare, but very little to complain about as well. No worries though, Rapper Lil Jon is here to correct that. See, he has this tradition of sending Black people back in time. Usually it's about 100 years or so, but this time he only set us back a month and he did it in grand fashion. In one of the proudest Black History moments EVER, Lil Jon was entered into the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest diamond pendant ever!

The "Crunk Aint Dead" pendant is 7.5 inches tall, six inches wide, and weighs almost 12 pounds. It has 73 carats of diamonds on the necklace but 3,756 round-cut white diamonds total set in 18K yellow and white gold. It is valued at around $500,000. I'd say something about how fucking ridiculous it is, but I'm tired just from writing this and he seems so damn proud of it...

Happy Belated Black History Month everybody...

Overheard By My Wife

"I saw that motherfucker the other day. That motherfucker come talkin bout: HEEEEEEEY Barbara. I said: HEEEEEEEEEY Motherfucker."

Barbara



And then, the crowd went wild....

Why does this shit happen to me???

One of the caucasian females in the office tried to relate to me today because she made Collard Greens last night. "They were only 68 cents a pound" she said to me. "And they are so good for you!" She even brought some for me to taste.

I tasted them...I had to.

And the crowd went wild...

Overheard as I passed by a seminar

"This afternoon you will be given ample opportunity to share with us about your experiences with your partners..."

You can't make this stuff up people

Confession

I use way too much Febreeze and I use it way too often...

Something Nice: Melinda Doolittle

So, I caught a little bit of flack for my last post. Some said I was too hard on the kid that commented on my blog. They said I need to be nice. OK, I can buy that. So, I'll talk about something nice. Something that makes me feel good. Something that cheers me up when I'm not feeling so good. Melinda Doolittle.

I'm not sure how many of you out there watch American Idol, but I do, and I do it for a few reasons. The first is, that it's the most watched television show in the world. I think it says something for everybody in the world to be into something, and I simply don't want to miss out. Doubters have been wrong about this show. They said it wouldn't last, that it couldn't make stars, etc...they were wrong. It gets bigger and better every year. Secondly, I used to be a performer. Not the American Idol type, but I did perform, so a lot of what I see on the show is relevant to my experience and I feel like I can offer a decent perspective on it. Third, it's fun. It takes my mind off work and allows me to space out for an hour or two. I don't get into the whole voting and everything, although in the past there have been contestants that have brought me such joy with their singing that I considered it, but nobody ever pushed me to that point where I actually voted. Some of my favorites have been Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry, Latoya London, and Bo Bice. But man...this year, something real special showed up. Melinda Doolittle.

I ain't kidding...this girl is not only the best singer I have ever heard on this show, she is among the top 25 voices I have ever heard, and I have heard a few. To be quite honest, I think the Producers at American Idol need to do two things to save this shwow this year. They should go ahead and send that little Indian boy home because he doesn't even seem to want to be on the show anymore and he keeps getting sacraficed, and they need to pull Melinda from the competition and put her to work. The competition really isn't fair. She is so much better than everybody else, that it's scary. Not surprising though, she has a trained voice and has worked professionally. It makes a difference. This is not somebody who sings along with the radio everyday headed to work...this is somebody who has actually worked at the craft of singing and gotten quite good at it. QUITE good. Hearing her sing brings me joy. Since making it to the Finals, she has sang Since Youve Been Gone, My Funny Valentine, I'm A Woman, and Home, and she ripped them all. Every last one. She's no joke. So, to brighten your day, I give you Melinda Doolittle.

And the crowd goes wild...

Miller Grove's Finest

OK Now I understand. When your school allows underage girls to put on tight clothes and gyrate for the public, how can you expect a brother to control himself? Check out this link and see Miller Grove's finest students doing what they do best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d3bIhx27tA

It's like Friday night at Magic City out there! All they need is a few stripper poles and a DJ and they are in business. I was throwing dollar bills at my computer monitor. I feel for the male teachers at that school. In fact, ya'll might want to come arrest me just for thinking what I'm thinking right now. I'm about to go watch it again.

And the crowd goes wild...

Dekalb County Part 2...This Time, The Students

I don't know how many of you read the comments that are posted to my blog entries, but the other I was talking to the man out in Frisco and he said to me: "some student in Dekalb County is pissed at you man!" Huh? It seems that a Dekalb County student found their way to my blog and read my entry entitled "Congratulations to the Dekalb County School System." Now, as touched as I am that a person that I don't even know somehow came across my rants and thought enough of me to respond, I was also a little insulted. Not because this person clearly disagreed with my opinions, but because they decided to deface my page of brilliant thoughts, ideas, and shit with the ignorant ass writings of some pimply faced juvenile, or somebody pretending to be a juvenile. Either way, allow me to retort. first, the comment, in it's entirety.

Anonymous said...
"FIRST OFF I AM A STUDENT AT MILLER GROVE HIGH SCHOOL AND MILLER GROVE IS ONE OF THE BETTER SCHOOLS IN THE COUNTY. THIS ONE INCIDENT DOESN'T MAKE OUR SCHOOL ANY WORSE THAN ANY OTHER. THE TEACHERS AT OUR SCHOOL ARE DOING THINGS TO ENSURE THAT WE GRADUATE DOING THINGS TO ENSURE THE SUCCESS OF THE STUDENTS THAT SO MANY OTHER SCHOOLS AREN'T. MAYBE THESE TWO TEACHERS DIDN'T EVEN DO WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN ACCUSSED OF SO TO SPEAK ILL OF THEM, THE SCHOOL, OR THE COUNTY IS NOT ONLY WRONG BUT STUPID. EVEN IF THE ACCUSATIONS ARE TRUE I DON'T THINK THAT REFLECTS THE VIEWS OF THE COUNTY OR THE SCHOOL ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT THIS HAS OUTRAGED A LOT OF PEOPLE. I THINK THAT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THINGS THEY DON'T HAVE ALL OF THE FACTS ABOUT. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IF YOU MET THEM YOU WOULD ALSO SAY THAT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE THAT THE ACCUSATIONS WERE TRUE. BOTH OF THESE TEACHERS CARED AND TRIED TO HELP US. DEKALB COUNTY IS A GREAT SCHOOL SYSTEM WITH SOME GREAT TEACHERS AND SHOULDN'T BE PUT DOWN BECAUSE, OF THE ACCUSATIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AGAINST TWO PEOPLE. THAT'S 2 OUT OF THE 1540 OTHER COUNTY EMPLOYESS."

OK so many things jump out at me you dumb ass piece of shit. You started out yourcomment saying 'first off' but never got to 'second off!' 'First off' isn't even an actual phrase. What you meant to say was 'first of all' but you clearly are too stupid to know that in order to have a first you have to have a second, and maybe a third, fourth, fifth, etc...how ever many points you have to make, that's how you count them. Now, I also have to teach you about stating facts and opinions. I call myself Mr. Opinionated which is a clear indication that everything on my blog is opinion and not to be confused as fact. You say that Miller Grove is one of the better schools in the county. Based on what? I mean c'mon, that's basic English Composition. You state an opinion and then you follow it up with supporting ideas. How the fuck do I know it's one of the better schools in the county? Because you said so? If indeed it is, you're not doing it much justice at all with your writing. Either the school is fucked up or you are. Which one is it? Well, you already decided that for us. You said the school is one of the better ones in the county so, I guess you're all fucked up.

Your next statement: "THIS ONE INCIDENT DOESN'T MAKE OUR SCHOOL ANY WORSE THAN ANY OTHER." Not only is that a poorly written sentence, I never said it did make your school worse than any other. I think all the Dekalb County schools are screwed. In fact, I said that Miller Grove was supposed to be the flagship school of the system, so if the teachers at Miller Grove are putting their dicks in 17 year old girls, imagine what's happening at shit holes like Avondale. I don't know...maybe teachers are marrying girls as soon as they walk across the stage for graduation. One can only assume I guess.

Next. "THE TEACHERS AT OUR SCHOOL ARE DOING THINGS TO ENSURE THAT WE GRADUATE DOING THINGS TO ENSURE THE SUCCESS OF THE STUDENTS THAT SO MANY OTHER SCHOOLS AREN'T." One again, this sentence doesn't even make any damn sense and it's a run-on. What could the teachers at that school possibly be doing to ensure that you graduate, that other schools aren't doing? You act as if you all are doing Graduate School work in there. It's high school you idiot. I and many others graduated from high school after sleeping for two years. It's not that hard. If the teachers have to do all kinds of special things to make sure you graduate, I think you might want to visit a Sylvan Learning Center or something. That's sad. But since the teachers are so committed to your success, when you go into school tomorrow, tell them that you don't know how to use punctuation or capitalization and I'm sure they will hop right on it and get you squared away.

Ok, the funniest thing you said: "I THINK THAT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THINGS THEY DON'T HAVE ALL OF THE FACTS ABOUT." Welcome to America dummy. It happens everyday. Get used to it. Clearly you have not been exposed to enough.

There was a lot more stupid stuff in there, but you closed it with a real gem. "DEKALB COUNTY IS A GREAT SCHOOL SYSTEM WITH SOME GREAT TEACHERS AND SHOULDN'T BE PUT DOWN BECAUSE, OF THE ACCUSATIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AGAINST TWO PEOPLE. THAT'S 2 OUT OF THE 1540 OTHER COUNTY EMPLOYESS." My post actually mentioned three, not two, and I could personally hand you 14 more. That would be 17 out of 1540. Would that be enough to make you realized that there is a prolem? Probably not. See, you're young and stupid and when you are young and stupid you tend to latch on to ridiculous things like a school system or a school. You yell dumb shit like "put your hood up" and claim Police Zones instead of communitites like that's something to be proud of. I advise you to grow up. Learn to support something meaningful. Find yourself a good charity, non-profit, or adopt a child from a third-world country if you really want to believe in something. Get your head out of your ass and realize what happened here and I promise that you will be much better for it. There, in 10 minutes I just taught you more than you could have ever learned at that school. You can thank me in the comments section, since I know you like to go there.

My Dad...A Better Man Than Me

I'm a private guy, so I very rarely talk about myself or my family here. I usually try to reserve this space for social commentary and random funny shit, but what I have to say about my Dad in a way IS social commentary. A little over a week ago, he retired. I never really knew what it meant to retire, until I saw it up close. You actually stop working. You pack up, and you go home...you never go back. Ever. I don't know about you but, to me that shit is cool. But here is what is even cooler about my Dad. First off, he's a private dude too so I won't put his picture up here. But I know this: he worked for two reasons. to support his family and to be productive. I'm fortunate enough to have a job that I love. I'm passionate about it and I'm driven to do it. but who is to say it will always be that way? My Dad worked for the government. The Federal Government. That's like me going to run a Smooth Jazz Radio Station. You would have to drug me just to get through the day!

My point is, that I always hear a lot of young people complaining about how there are no jobs. "I wanna do something in my field" they say. "I can't go to work at a job I can't stand" is another popular one. Grow the fuck up. The truth is that you can do whatever you set your mind to. You just don't want to. My father is living proof that BETTER MEN THAN YOU have done it, and survived. I respect that shit. I really do. This great gig that I have could be taken away from me at any moment, and I could end up doing a job that I don't like. I could handle it. He did, and in classy fashion.

I called him up last night and asked him "what do you plan to spend your days doing?"

His answer: "right now I just really need to rest. I really just need to rest man..."

Damn right. Enjoy yourself Dad.

Congratulations to the Dekalb County School System!

You gotta understand, the Dekalb County School System is hard to get into! If you want to teach in Dekalb County, you have to go through a VERY rigorous process of run arounds, interviews, explanations, and excuses. It's no joke. They only want the best and the brightest teaching their kids. The Short Man has a Bachelors in Music, a Masters in Music Education, published a thesis, AND taught privately, and after being interviewed and auditioning....yes AUDITIONING to teach music in Dekalb County, was told he wasn't good enough. His skills were not "up to par." I mean...man, it's a tough getting in there. They only want good-natured, well-trained, responsible teachers. Like Angelo Taylor for example. Angelo Taylor is a former track star who won a gold medal in the 400 m Hurdles at the 2000 Summer Olympics. He was hired by Dekalb County to teach. In November 2004, Taylor was arrested when a police officer allegedly found him having sex with a 15-year-old girl in a parked car. Taylor was charged with one count of child molestation and enticing a child for indecent purposes. In January of 2005, Taylor was again arrested for allegedly having sex with a second 15-year-old girl. He was charged with three counts of child molestation and one count of enticing a child for indescent purposes. In January of 2006, he pled guilty to both incidents and was sentenced to three years probation, a $2,500 fine, and evaluation for possible sex offender treatment.

And the hits don't stop there! In 1005, Dekalb County opened their "flagship" school, Miller Grove High School. The largest school in the county. Now, you KNOW they plan to place top-notch teachers there. Right? Sure...only the best. How about Clarence Hicks and Eubie Lewis. Hicks, a graduate of Florida A&M University, previously taught at Lithonia High School and in Marion County, Fla., according to the Miller Grove High website. Lewis is a fourth-year teacher and graduate of Virginia State University. Hicks is a social studies teacher at the Lithonia high school, while Lewis teaches special education.

Both teachers were charged Sunday with having sex with a 17-year-old student. The SAME 17 yr old student. Both men were charged with sexual assault against a person in custody. Hicks was also charged with furnishing alcohol to a minor.

Way to go Dekalb County. Way to teach the children...

Dear Aaron McGruder: I'm Disappointed

Your groundbreaking comic strip The Boondocks, was edgy and controversial. I absolutely loved it, and not just ordinary love. The kind of love where you fight the greatness of something until you can deny it no longer. I used to hate Michale Jordan, until I watch him eat so many lunches that didn't belong to him, that I had to be a fan. That's how I was with your work. I thought it was ridiculous. Modern-day minstrelsy. I hated it so much that I read it just to be sure I knew what I was hating. And then, I became a fan. I saw the brilliance of it. The way you parodied the black community, with a positive twist; the way you forced people, and not just black people, EVERYBODY to look at themselves, was dare I say? Genius...I once said to a friend, "the only thing that would make this comic strip better, would be a TV show to go along with it." It was like you heard me.

The Boondocks TV show premiered last year and I mean...it was amazing. The perfect Sunday night was a new episode of Grey's Anatomy and a new episode of The Boondocks. Awwwww man...I wouldn't even answer the phone during that 90 minutes. But then, just like a weekend fling, you left for the summer and for some reason I knew in my heart you wouldn't return. And you didn't. But not only did you not return, you QUIT. You quit everything. No TV show, no comic strip, nothing. Something about the pressures of stardom getting to be too much for you and needing a break. OK Dave Chappelle. Next time come up with some original shit. But here is the real beef. If that girl that came for the weekend fling, left me, I wouldn't want her to send me pictures of herself to help get me through...or send her ugly ass friend over to hang with me once in a while. I want her to get the fuck on! Let me get on with my life. And that's what you won't do. You won't leave. Every day, I go to My Yahoo page and I see these weak ass pre-production comic strips that you did and it just feels cheap. The drawings don't look the same, the humor isn't fully developed. That's like Krispy Kreme shutting down but leaving some old stale doughnuts behind for us to eat. I don't want that shit! But then, to add insult to injury, this week you did someething so disgusting that I wrote you off. A RE-RUN! A comic strip re-run. One that I had read already. Are you kidding me dude? I mean, Huey and Riley mowing the lawn was so funny the first time that I emailed it to my dad to reminisce about the days my brother and I would mow the lawn. But the 2nd time around, it's not funny...it's not cute...it ain't cool. You don't recycle comic strips man. I took you off My Yahoo page. I'm done. It's back to Ruthie, Joe, and One Big Happy. If only I could get Get Fuzzy on My Yahoo page. Now that's funny stuff.

I Tried It...

For all you lovers of Krispy Kreme out there, I did it for you. I tried the Whole Wheat Doughnut.

I don't really feel like explaining this to the people who know nothing about it because the whole premise pisses me off.
OK so check this out! Because a few years ago the whole 'low-carb' madness started, Krispy Kreme, which originally had just a few stores here and there and began to expand because people loved the gooey sweet goodness that is a Krispy Kreme Doughnut, BEGAN TO LOSE MONEY! Can you believe that? Because some asshole, who died of a heart condition, told people that carbs were bad for you, these folks could no longer sell what may very well be the most indulgent piece of food in history. The original Glazed Krispy Kreme Doughnut. If you have never had one, check this out, taken straight from the Krispy Kreme Website. I couldn't have said it better myself.

"What's a "Krispy Kreme? When people talk about a Krispy Kreme doughnut, they're usually referring to our signature treat: the Original Glazed. Made from a recipe dating back to the 1930s, our Original Glazed doughnuts have helped set us apart. And if you haven't had an Original Glazed HOT off the line, you need to try one! Look for the Hot Light!
It signals our customers about some really good news. When we turn the light on during certain hours of the day and night, it means that our Original Glazed yeast-raised doughnuts are coming out RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT! So come on in and get some HOT!"

Goddamn...That's like poetry. So anyway, these people with no self-esteem and no direction stopped eating the doughnut. Now, I will admit, the damn thing isn't good for you. It's basically deep fried white bread covered in a sugary glaze and served so hot that it literally slides down yoru throat. But dig this, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR YOU! It's a damn doughnut. It's a treat. I bought some today because one of our employees is leaving and we wanted to celebrate her last day and her new career. If we ate the damn things every day, we'd be all hypertensive and what not. That's why it's a treat. To be ha din moderation. Some people just don't get that. Because of some book they read, they swear off the damn things and cost a company that tried to do US a favor by making their delicious treats more accesible to us by opening more stores across the country, lose money.

So here is what they did. They came up with a whole wheat doughnut. Here it is again.

SO I tried the shit. The verdict, not bad. I mean, it ain't the original and if you thought it would be you probably need to go back to reading The Secret or The Purpose Driven Life or whatever book you are reading to help you get through the day this week because your life is so miserable. BUT, it is a nice alternative. It is sweet, but the glaze is different. It's got this caramel thing happening. Kind of like a Sugar Daddy. Decent flavor. In all honesty, it's probbaly a little TOO sweet. I could only eat one which is probably good because it's 180 calories, but I did enjoy the one I had. All in all, it's decent. I hate the fact that Krispy Kreme had to do this because people can't think for themselves, but I respect the way they did it. I was very skeptical but they pulled it off. They gave customers a realistic option when having to make healthier choices in they doughnut consumption. "Healthier choices in their doughnut consumption." That just SOUNDS stupid. I can't believe I just said that. I'm going to get another doughnut. A real one.