Thursday, July 12, 2007

An Open Letter To MoNique Parker

Dear MoNique Parker (or whatever the hell your name is),

I have been putting up with your shit for years now and I haven't said a damn word, but now you have just gone too goddamn far you fucking buffoon. I'm sure you will try to justify your most recent actions with some sort of self righteous tirade about how sexy big women are, but this shit just ain't right. Please stop. Just stop dammit.


Mr. Opinionated

Thursday, July 5, 2007

An Open Letter To Hybrid Owners

Dear Owners Of Hybrids and Other Fuel-Efficient But Slow Cars,

How are you? I hope you are enjoying the iphone that you stood in line overnight to get and I can't wait for you tell me all about The Transformers Movie, but I wanted to talk to you about how we interact on the roads and highways. I drive a truck. A pickup truck. It doesn't get great gas mileage but it's not so bad either. It's a gas guzzler compared to your Hot Wheels car, but one thing it can do that yours can't is go very fast. It can go like...60 miles per hour, and faster! See, I say all of this because I noticed today that you took your little piece of shit car and got in the far left lane, the passing lane. Only thing is, you weren't passing anybody. I know it's hard to pass people when your car runs on nuts and berries, but then...I really don't get why you were over there in the first place. Did Al Gore tell you that if you bought a Prius you could ride in the left lane? Cause if he did, he lied. Whoever told you that, if I ever catch you over in that sombitch again there will be hell to pay. Stay the fuck out of the passing lane and keep that thing to surface streets and driveways where it belongs.


Mr. Opinionated

Are You Fighting For A Child Molester?

This is Al Sharpton
This is Geronimo, or whatever his name is.

And this is Al Sharpton here in Atlanta at a rally for Gillespie. Al Sharpton is mad because he thinks Gillespie should be let out of jail. Just to recap, Gustav got a blowjob from a 15 yr old girl when he was 17, and he videotaped it, which got him in a lot of trouble. 10 yrs worth of trouble. This has been a hot button topic in Atlanta and in the country for the last few months. There are some, well many who think that the boy should not have gotten sent to jail for 10 yrs, which I can't say that I disagree with. Gepetto's main concern doesn't really seem to be jail, but the fact that under all of the plea deals that he has been offered, he would have to register as a Sex Offender, and he doesn't feel that he is one. Al Sharpton doesn't seem to feel like he is a Sex Offender either. A lot of people are on the boy's side. Even my ole Pastor Warnock, who is annoyingly visible in that picture with Al Sharpton, doesn't think he is a child molester. (Thats him behind Al to the left, looking like a broke-ass civil rights flunkie.) Anyway, I relaized that maybe the reason that a lot of people don't consider the boy a child molester, is because they don't really know what a child molester is. a public service, I did some research on child molesters and how they go about their business. I'm curious as to how Giovanni stacks up. Let's see:

Methods and Styles of Seduction Used By Child Molesters

1. Affection and Attention
For the most part, a child is seduced in the same way as one adult seduces another. The offender takes the child places, buys them things, impresses the child with his own personality, makes the child feel loved and indebted to the offender, then becomes physical with the child. It starts subtly, by holding hands, placing an arm over the shoulder, or putting a hand in the lap, then graduates to more explicit conduct. Hmmmm, impresses the child with his own personality. Like...maybe he took advantage of the fact that he was the big man on campus?...takes the child places, like to a hotel room maybe? Ding! That's' a child molester you're looking at.

2. Mislabeling the Activity
Another common ploy to trick the child into an act is to tell the child that what is being done is for a purpose other than the real one. For example, a young child was seduced into posing for photographers by being told that the offender was taking pictures for a publisher of medical books -- the pictures, he said, were to assist doctors in teaching others about sex. Um...Gregory, I don't know what you told that girl to get her to let you videotape her, but you had a damn camera. Survery says YES!

3. Narcotics and Alcohol
The use of narcotics and alcohol by the child molester is commonplace. What better way to get a child to a place he wouldn’t ordinarily go than to provide him with something he can’t ordinarily get? The use of alcohol is mostly limited to the older child; however, it is also a common denominator in some cases involving young children. looking real guilty boy. Your ass had weed AND liquor. Al, I think you might be fighting for a child molester!

See, the truth is, if there was a 17 yr old boy in my neighborhood who used drugs and alcohol to prey on 15 yr old girls, I would want to know who the hell he was and where he lived! I think this little fool SHOULD have to register as a sex offender. But I'll tell you what. I issue a challenege to anybody fighting for this knucklehead boy. If and when he does get out of jail, let him date YOUR daughter. What do you say to that Al?