Wednesday, January 31, 2007

My Health

I went to the doctor over the Xmas brak to get a lil check up. I tell my wife all the time, "if you can walk a flight of stairs without getting winded and you're not pissing or shitting blood, you're probably ok." Neither of thise things had happened to me but I like to be on the safe side and I hadn't been in a while so, I went. Turns out, my cholesterol is a lil high. My bad cholesterol is high acutally, and my good cholesterol is low. The doctor said it was no big deal and I could change it by dropping a few pounds. OK, I get that, but I'm a winner. I like a challenge and I hate losing. So now my goal is to beat this cholesterol thing. I have employed all the usual weapons: mounds of oatmeal, Cheerios, herbal supplements, Omega-3, everything. We'll see who is boss when I go back to get tested. I can't wait to get my blood work done again!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Making Plans

Apparently, my brother called me Sunday morning to ask me if my wife and I wanted to come to Breakfast. He called at 10am to propose breakfast at 11am. He also texted me and my wife. Ok so...our asses were sleep, and even if we had the interest, could not and would not muster up the energy to get up, get dressed, and make it to Decatur in an hour. But that's not the point. see...I promised that on this blog you would find out some things about me, so here is one. I make plans. I plan EVERYTHING. I even plan to do nothing. Let me explain.

When I was a youngster, getting my first lil taste of the nightlife and what not, my mother told me something. She said: "never ask a girl out after Wednesday evening. If a girl gets asked out after Wednesday evening, she assumes she was your second choice, and should/probably will say no." I thought to myself, that's a pretty cool rule! So I adopted it. Not concerning taking random braods to Outback, but for myself. My plans are made by Wednesday and if you ask me to do some shit after Wednesday I'll probably say no. Prime example, today is Tuesday and I can tell you that tomorrow night I'm watching Top Chef, Thursday night is The Office and Grey's, Friday night I'm hangin out with the Short Man, and Saturday night I'm taking my wife to a play. Saturday will primarily be spent working on a project called 'laying on my ass' and Sunday I'm watching the Superbowl. Unless you get to me by tomorrow afternoon, that's pretty much etched in stone.

This is where it gets tricky...see, you might ask me to do something Saturday and I'll say NO. You'll say, why dog? You ain't doing shit..but AH HA! I am doing something. I'm laying on my ass. I just said that! That's called, planning to do nothing. Some people see empty space in their schedule las a chance to do something. Empty space that can and should be filled. I see it as...well, empty space. A chance to do nothing. That's why I can weigh 275lbs and my blood pressure stay low. Ok I'm getting off the subject. You get the point...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

An Open Apology to Michael Vick

OK so I went off on you the other day, and now it appears you had no drugs on you, and no evidence of drugs on you. Well I guess I owe you an apology. But I won't write one because mark bradley of the ajc did a damn good job of saying what was on my mind. So with apologies to Mark Bradley for copying his shit, here you go Vick. I'm Sorry.

"I’m putting this out for public consumption, but it’s really directed toward one man. I’m saying this to you, Michael, and I’m saying this not as your agent or your publicist but as someone who knows a little about sports and, having hung around Flowery Branch since the day you were drafted, a little about you.

You need to take control of your life. You need to harness every molecule and minute and make this your most productive offseason. You need to give yourself the chance to experience, 12 or 24 months from now, your own Peyton Manning Moment. You need to work harder than you’ve ever worked to show everyone who’s saying you can’t take a team to the Super Bowl that you can.

This isn’t so much about the infamous water bottle and what might or might not have happened in Miami. This is about the bigger picture. From being hailed as the Michael Jordan of your sport, you’re now viewed in ever-expanding circles as a coach-killer or worse. Your wildly lucrative (and once carefully cultivated) career is being cheapened with every headline. When you entered the league you worked hard to say and do the right things, but increasingly you’ve become entangled in bizarre incidents that don’t reflect well on you or your employer.

As the saying goes: You can’t be framed if you don’t put yourself in the picture. I’m fairly certain Tom Brady — likewise single and good-looking — enjoys his social life, but I’ve never heard of Brady getting into a scrape in an airport security line. (For you, this makes twice.) You need to step back and remember your place in the sporting firmament, to recall who you are and what you represent. You once made it easy to believe in Michael Vick. You need to stop making it hard.

For all that, you still have a grand opportunity. This head coach arrives with the express mission of making you better. When Bobby Petrino was with Jacksonville, he’d sit with fellow assistant Dom Capers, ticketed to be the first coach of the expansion Texans, on charter flights and they’d talk about how it would be to have the draft’s No. 1 pick and for that No. 1 pick to be you. Way back then, Petrino was thinking of the plays he’d draw up to utilize your skill set. Lo and behold, here he is.

And what was your first face-to-face encounter with the new man? A “stressful” (Rich McKay’s word) meeting regarding the water bottle. Even the usually understanding front office sounds as if it has lost patience: The Falcons’ three-sentence release Monday didn’t mention you by name. And still missing from all the water-bottle blather is any explanation from you.

For someone so famous, it isn’t enough to be technically innocent. You have to be above suspicion. From this day forward, you need to do everything within your power — and ultimately everything remains within your power — to preclude external stress. If that means staying home six nights out of seven, then stay home. While you’re there, try watching game film. Better yet, call Petrino and ask if he’ll watch with you. I bet he’ll even spring for the pizza.

You’re 26, about to enter your seventh NFL season, and you’ve arrived at a crossroads. You can continue to be the uncertain player you became under Mora/Knapp, a runner one week and a thrower the next, and soon you’ll be 31 and looking to resurrect yourself the way all last-chances do - as an Oakland Raider. Or you can work with this clever coach and immerse yourself in detail and bring your fundamentals to the level of your immense gifts, and then (assuming the rest of the roster holds up its end) you’ll be what you’ve said you dream of being: A great quarterback, a Super Bowl quarterback.

You have the time. You have, goodness knows, the talent. You can get where Peyton Manning is going, but you have to apply yourself. These last few months have made us wonder if you’re as serious about your job as you need to be. Show us you are. Shut us all up. Take this team to the Super Bowl."

By Mark Bradley of The AJC

Black History

So Black History Month is coming, and I always get excited about the BIG BHM. I'll never forget, the year Janet Jackson ripped her breast out at the Superbowl, my homeboy Creamy sent me a text message saying: "this is going to be the worst Black History Month ever." And you know what? It was. I mean aside from Janet there was an uprising in Haiti which led to Aristide resigning and THEN Barbershop 2 came out. It was a bad month.

Fast forward to the present day, and on somebody's blog yesterday, I read the following comment: "Four African Americans could potentially win Oscars, two Black Coaches in the Superbowl, and Obama is running for President. It's going to be a historic year."

So I'm thinking, have our standards for Black History changed? So, in examining that question, I decided to give you an idea of exactly what IS and what IS NOT Black History.

Hattie McDaniel is the first black to take an Oscar Home, and Sidney Potier is the first to win one in a leading role

Every time a blakc person gets nominated for an Osacr

The nation elects the first Black President

A black man runs for President

A black man invents the gas mask and the traffic light

A black man invents beats on a drum machine

A black man is released from prison after 25 years, when DNA evidence proves his innocence

A black man gets off for a crime he probably committed

The first black person to receive a degree from a major institution

Your cousin gets a degree from FAMU

The first black person to host a TV show

The first black person to guest star on Everybody Loves Raymond

You get the picture. Everything isn't Black History people. Calm down.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Friday night, my wife and I went out with some High School friends. Allen, whom I call Big Al, was turning 30, and his wife wanted us to surprise him at PF Changs. So we went. Me and my wife, Big Al and his wife, Mike AKA Dr. Gibson and his wife, and Mike AKA Mike Jr. and his fiancee. Here is the thing. None of us has changed. It was really remarkable to see. We all graduated in 1995 and in 2007, we haven't changed. My wife pointed out, that at one point Big Al completely spaced out, but said at least 3 times how happy he was that we came, Dr. Gibson with TWO kids now still managed to start rapping old school songs at the table, and Mike Jr. made up stories and told them so good you kind of thought they were true. I still don't know what Mike Jr. does for a living by the way. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, and catching up with those guys every couple of years is fun as well. Having friends to grow old with kind of makes you hold a mirror up and take a look at yourself. Every once in a while I wake up and look at my wife, and feel like we are still 18, but then I hang out with those guys and I'm reminded that I'm not. Which is not a bad thing at all, and thats why I enjoy seeing them. All the dudes I went to High School with are doing ok and so am I, and that makes me happy. Here's to Big Al, Dr. Gibson, and Mike Jr. Thanks for staying in touch with me.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Who's On First? The Gay Edition

Once upon a time on the set of Grey's Anatomy...

Isaiah Washington: I'm sick of that faggot being late

T.R. Knight: HEY! Watch who you're calling a faggot

IW: I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to call you a faggot. Let's act like it never happened.

TRK: OK cool. Just don't say faggot anymore

IW: I won't say faggot anymore

TRK: You just said it again!

IW: Said what?

TRK: You said faggot! I asked you to stop saying faggot!

IW: I didn't call you a faggot that time

TRK: You just said it again man. Can you please stop saying faggot?

IW: I just told you I won't say faggot anymore. what do you want from me?

TRK: YOU JUST SAID IT AGAIN! What's your problem man?

IW: You faggots are crazy.

TRK: I'm telling Izzy or whatever her name is

(in walks Izzy looking EXACTLY like every doctor I've ever had)

Izzy: Did you call him a faggot?

IW: yes I did call him a faggot but I apologized and we promised to act like it never happened

izzy: So why did you call him a faggot again?

IW: I didn't call him a faggot!

Izzy: You just did it again!

TRK: I'm telling Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell. They'll teach you not to call faggots faggots

(on the Ellen Show)

Ellen: Did Isaiah Washington call you a faggot?

TRK: Yes he did call me a faggot. Everybody heard it.

Ellen: So he called you faggot, which is an awful and disgusting word! I know because Rosie told me so.

TRK: Yes he called me that awful and disgusting word, faggot

Ellen: Shame on him

TRK: I know...

Get my point?

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Black Men & Reality Shows

So last night on Top Chef, the black man got voted off. Every reality show usually has a black man. He's usually bald or has short hair, outspoken, and gets along well with the white people. But always just a lil bit on the edge of being crazy. Like...that's just the profile. Sometimes they throw in a gay black guy or a black woman, but there is almost always a black man. Let's review some of the famous ones in history.

There was Kwame from the Apprentice, and then Randal from the Apprentice. Laterrian and Alton from Road Rules. And Real World...boy, there was Syrus the Virus, Stephen AKA the guy that slapped a white girl, and David "come on be my baby tonight" Broom. There was Gervais on Survivor, and so forth.
Well the new guy is Cliff. A very talented chef from New York who has done suprisingly well on Top Chef. Here is the cool shit about Cliff: On only two occasions has he been faced with the possibility of going home, and both times he was spared by simply demanding that he wasn't going home. The first time, the head judge asked him why he shouldn't go home. His answer: "I'm done done yet. Are you kidding me? I'm not going home." Amazing right? OK so last week he is again faced with going home and when asked who should go, he kind of disgustingly gestured to his teammates and said, "send one of them." The judges did. I mean, it's crazy. The power that Cliff has seemingly had over the judges seems destined to carry him to the finals. Until last night.

So to make a long story short, the 4 of the 5 remaining contestants got a lil drunk and decided to shave the head of this one guy they don't like. Cool. Well, of course, they ask Cliff, the strong black buck to be the one to hold him down while they do it. So Cliff wakes him up, and tackles his lil ass, and holds him down in a full nelson. He's yelling, "guys I got him, come on," and they all just sit there. Like they changed their mind about shaving his head. After a few minutes of wrestling, Cliff lets him go. The lil guy is a lil mad but all seems well right? Wrong!

The Producers ask him to leave the show for physically assaulting another cast member. You should have seen his jaw drop! I thought there was a chance he might talk his way out of this one too but, not this time. It's a shame too, talented guy. I just hate that the black men on Reality shows are often times portrayed as aggressive and physically violent. Well, this one's for you Cliff. Good run.

Rules For Single Women

If you think all men are pigs, expect to live alone when you get older.

If you have 100 reasons to reject a man, expect to live alone when you get older.

Prince Charming is gay.

Rich, attractive, nice - at the most you can have two in a man. You're lucky if you get one

If you ask a man on a first date how much he earns or what kind of car he drives, he gets to look at your bare breasts while you are still in the restaurant.

If you answer your cell phone during a first date, he has the right to immediately get up and leave with no explanation.

If you expect a man to pay for everything, you'll need a strong jaw and a good tongue.

It's OK not to want kids. It's not OK to sacrifice your personal life and goals for your career.

The kharmic retribution for putting good men into the "Friend Zone" while getting hurt by bad boys is to
become bitter, angry, and the owner of at least three cats.

Your single girlfriends don't want you to have a happy relationship with a man. Consider this when listening to their advice.

The unintended consequence of independence is loneliness.

There is a fine line between expecting that a man pay for everything and being a common prostitute.

Excessive complaining is neither attractive nor polite.

You are entitled to nothing. However, you can expect rewards for working hard for something.

It's not always men making you unhappy. Don't let bitter women convince you of that.

Being strong doesn't mean being bitchy. Southern women have known this for generations.

You can't have it all. Please have the good sense to realize this.

Compromise is not surrender, it's what is necessary to have a good relationship.

Don't expect men to fall all over you just because you are a woman. Feminism taught men to be independent, too.

If he doesn't call you back, it doesn't means he's not really into you. maybe dude just don't like talking on the phone. Get over it and call him again. That's what you really want to do anyway.

If you meet a man, don't find reasons to reject him or things to change in him. Find reasons to accept him and respect him.

Given the current state of divorce laws, don't expect any man to marry you. It's not you, it's just how things are right now.

Hanging around gay men won't give you any useful insights about straight men. Frankly, hanging around gay men is just creepy.

Deferring self-gratification is a sign of maturity. You can wait until dinner even if you're hungry now.

An Open Letter To Michael Vick

Dear Dummy,

You IDIOT! What the hell is your fuckin problem man? I mean...shit! People are sick of defending you man. You know you done fucked up right? I mean, you REALLY have fucked up this time. Screwed the pooch good.

So this is the best you can do huh? A goddamn water bottle that can hide your weed?

What are you, 17 yrs old? Your're a goddamn millionaire man! Are you serious about this shit? If I was wearing some sort of hat, and you were standing here, I would take it off and fucking beat you with it repeatedly. But you know what? This is good. This is really good see, because it reinforces everything I have always known about weed. See, I have never touched the shit, and don't plan to, but I have been around people who have. The one thing that always amazes me about them is that they hold to the claim that "weed don't affect you." Well, clearly it does. It makes you do STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS.

I'm fuckin done wit you man. I'm fuckin done.


This Morning's Thoughts

1. I like Isiah Washington...I really do. But for some reason, this 'scandal' with him calling his co-star a faggot, just will not die. i wish it would. I really wish it would because isiah Washington has not exactly gotten a fair shke with Hollywood, and he clearly has a chip on his shoulder about it. He's got enough problems. But I really feel like it's just a matter of time before his character either falls down an elevator shaft, or gets shot again, or fired. It's not looking good at all.

2. Stuffed Bell Peppers for dinner last night. Pretty damn good if I do say so myself.

3. The Lakers won last night. Thats 3 in a row and they beat the Spurs. If they can go into Dallas tonight and beat the Mavs then it says a lot.

4. Vick done fucked up again. That's really all I can say about that. It may be for good this time.

Friday, January 12, 2007

My two favorite songs, I guess...

This isn't something I came up with on my own. When I came to this job, my boss bought me a new Mac with of course, itunes. Well, itunes tells you how many times you have listened to each song, so I figured that whatever I have listened to the most is my favorite. Out of 1300 + songs, the winners are:

I'm Losing You by The Temptations, and Come Live With Me by Ray Charles with the Count Basie Orchestra. I'm Losing You is a damn good song. David Ruffin at his best, and probably his worst. I downloaded Come Live With Me on November 6 and I have listened to it 16 times. if I had heard it before I got married, I would have sang it to my wife at our wedding.

On a side note, I found Russatta's blog again. Russatta and I went to Elementary School together, and a lil of High School. She did College with my brother. Anyway, her blog is some of the most entertaining stuff I have read in a long time. I tried to go to it one day and it was down. just gone. Turns out she just changed the name thingy...her sister's isn't bad either, but I have never met her. My brother's blog is funny shit. There are a few others I read too. Nobody reads mine as of yet...

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Things I LOVE - Live Recordings

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought that with this post, I would start a series called Things I LOVE. The first of which, is live recordings. See, there is a certain magic that a studio recording can't give you. Um...wait, you're not understanding me. Let me be clearer. Ok, so everybody knows the song Brick House by the Commodores right? Well, I have this CD of Lionel Richie LIVE, and he does Brick House. Now, he pretty much keeps it true to form, but toward the end he does this breakdown, and the crowd goes crazy; after which Lionel Richie quotes a line from FIRE by the Ohio Players. You know the part that goes: "the way she swerves, and curves, really rocks my nerves." He just plugs it in there, and it fits! That spontaneity is exciting and I love hearing it on record. Now, part of the joy in listening to this is hearing the crowd react to things that you can't see. Another example, is this CD I have of the Jackson 5 live. Not the lil kid Jackson 5, but the grown up, Can You Feel It, Jackson 5. It's a great album. I mean, they do all the hits and even a medley of old J5 tunes. Here is the cool part. At one point during Can You Feel It, Michael stops, the music is still going but he isn't singing. But the crowd goes crazy! I can only imagine that at this point, Michael began to dance his ass off, so hard in fact that he couldn't sing and dance at the same time, and I have a great time imagining what that must have looked like. So, I'll take this time to list the greatest Live albums I have ever heard and tell you a little bit about why.

1. The Jacksons, LIVE - I just told you why. Wake Up!
2. Lionel Richie, Encore Live at Wembley Arena - Not only do you have a godo time, but Lionel constantly reminds you during the show that you're having a good time and tells you why.He does all the hits and the crowd sings along. It's great.
3. Aretha Franklin, Aretha Live at Fillmore West - at one point she spots Ray Charles in the crowd and pulls him onstage to sing. Pure magic...
4. Sam Cooke, One Night Stand: Sam Cooke Live at the Harlem Square Club - The greatest singer ever at his best. In his prime. Intimate, passionate, full of energy. talking to the crowd. You gotta hear it.
5. Cameo, LIVE - They recorded this one here in Atlanta. Hearing those horns play the lines Live rather than in the studio makes you a believer in real talent.
6. Bill Withers, LIVE at Carnegie Hall - As soon as he opens the show with Use Me, you know you're in for a special time.
7. Keith Sweat, LIVE - Laugh if you want. This disc serves as a strong reminder of why this dude was so hot during his time.
8. Teddy Pendergrass, LIVE Coast to Coast - Put this one on with the Keith Sweat album, and you got a night of romance ahead of you.
9. Luther Vandross, LIVE at Radio City Music Hall - Who knew a man that big could put on such a show. Play this one with Keith Sweat AND Teddy Pendergrass, and it's on...for real.
10. The Spinners, LIVE - The epic version of Sadie, and Phillip Wayne does impressions of Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, and al Green. It's mind blowing. A great performance.
11. Stevie Wonder, Natural Wonder - 2 discs of Stevie doing all his hits and some new stuff, with the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra. The man even counts the songs off in Japanese so the Orchestra can understand him! It's great.

On a side note, does anybody remember the old Jackson 5 cartooon??? That shit was great...I used to watch it when I was home from school sick or something. OK that's it.